Failure

At the age of 5, I stood before a crowd staring down the line at the blue pitching machine. I was determined to do my best and make a team. I loved playing baseball from an early age, it was just something I enjoyed. It did not go along with my hatred of losing, but it fulfilled some part of my young spirit. I would get frustrated in the yard when I could not make the catch as my dad threw the ball, or could not hit the pitch. Little did I know in a matter of seconds I would enter a psychological torment that would frustrate me for two months without relent. As the springs stretched, the dad helping out stepped on the trigger sending a ball hurdling towards the plate at 40 mph. Except something strange happened that would mold me into who I am today. Without explanation the ball came at me, five years old, standing in the batters box, unaware of what to do. My middle finger was crushed between the baseball and aluminum bat. I went along, adrenaline pumping, and completed the rest of the drills. You would think if I could power through that then a good season was ahead of me; instead, I was mortified of that machine. I was young, afraid, and was not happy being out there. I got one hit that season and I can still feel the brisk air hitting my face as I ran to first base. That afternoon when I crushed my finger I became strongly afraid of failure. I did everything I could to stay out of situations where I could fail. I quit baseball after one more season. I no longer longed to play football like I always had. I did not want to fail. I stayed in my comfort zone which was academia. I was a great student and easy learner. My parents will tell you I can not handle team sports because my success depends on others, but I still struggle with solo activities because I become frustrated with myself to a point where nothing will be accomplished. I have learned to use my perfectionism to motivate others and encourage myself rather than discourage. I have learned the only way to truly succeed is to be willing to fail. Next time you are afraid of failure or angry at your inabilities, take a few breaths and remember frustration is a slippery slope but encouragement is a ski lift up the mountain.